Jerica's back! =P =P =P
Been so busy with work that I hadn't had the tym 2 blog. oh man. Reports reports & more reports. Weekly reports, monthly reports. Reports for internal review, reports for the corporate side over in the US. Aiyo! Thur actually had to work Overtime (OT) to complete the reports, as my IS (Immediate Supervisor) actually estimated that I wouldn't be able to clear it by Thur alone, since she was away for external training of sorts. How wrong she was! I managed to rush out the report (piping hot) & allow her to check through before I knocked off on Thur (meaning, before 6pm). Haas. So in the end, it was NO OT for Jerica. Cool isn't it? Because if I had to work OT, I wun be able to take my dinner, sicne there were no canteens that were still in operation after 6pm. Bleah- (Jerica can't live without her meals! lol. Unless she's terribly sick.) Haas.
Managed to successfully complete/ make some amendments to the reports by Friday before I knock off. Phew! Can finally slack a little & enjoy life. Hees! Clubbed last night @ Phuture, tgt with Kareen, Jiali, Karen, KF. Hahas. Marc, CH & Benj were there too. Enjoyed myself dancing, but would have enjoyed myself more if there weren't so many people - the people were all packed like sardine! Spoil mood; total turn off. And it doesn't help matters given that you have to keep giving way to "passers-by" (yes, literally...) at the only spot you finally found that is spacious (or be-fitting) enough for dancing.... *faints-
Went for supper at BK (acronym for Boon Keng). Actually didn't wanna eat, but in the end... I had prata! lol. Spize is still the best. Haas. =P Left in cab with KF & Marc at around 6+ (in the morning, yes), since Kareen stayed just across the street. hahas. WAnted to chip in for the cab fare as well bt KF didn't wanna keep it. Doh. Why is it that guys do not want to keep gurl's money?? Somebody please explain~~~~~~
Anyways, enjoyed myself last nyte; but in retrospect, it could haf been much better if Jay's there wif KF... Cos lyk, ask him to come down bt felt pretty awkward speaking to him in the clubs? So in the end he was lyk pretty much alone (at least in the beginning la). yup yup. If Jay was able to make it down with him, I thought his night wud haf been better. Feel bad. Oh God.
In any case, I think I'm letting go. I think I have to. I don't want to end up getting hurt anymore. It's so tiring to put in everything for somebody; only to realise that somebody doesn't appreciate you at all. Or at least, doesn't let you know. I'm feeling lost; I'm caught in a dilemma. Much as I want to continue holding on to that little faith I have, I think his gestures are sending me a signal to let go. Probably it's the lady's fatal Archille's Heels that is making me feel this way (which is jealousy & over-sensitivity if you dun already noe...), but I just thought he appreciates my fren more. Somehow, the signals coming my way from him are that of "bad bad", "let go let go", "both of u r jus frens; nothing more"... The fact that he fluctuates between warm & cold in his reactions to me leaves me lost & puzzled. I dunno what he's thinking, & I am feeling scared. That's how I behave. If I don't know what you are thinking, I will back off. Yes, I AM AFRAID OF REJECTION; I AM SO AFRAID OF GETTING BURNT - ALL OVER AGAIN. Past failed relationships have left me with indelible scars. Battered. Hurt. Inflicted with pschological pains. And yes, I particularly hate ambiguous relationships. It's lyk, U dunno what you exactly are in his heart & where u stand so u dun wanna put in ur everything. Argh. I hate this feeling. Hope it goes away soon (& I know it's the hormones playing inside - Mood swings) =SSSSSSS
Now I'm standing at the intersection. Lost. Guide me back please...........
"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?"
