........
She woke up from a slumber... Rubbing her eyes, she recalled having a dream, a rather lovely one at that, except that the infidelity and feelings of betrayal in the dream struck her.
In the dream, she was double-dating. On some special and important occasion, A had come over to her house to pick her up in the finest suit and be introduced to her family. Well-dressed and charismatic, he chatted, and appeared to be at ease with the rest of her family. She was happy with what was happening; that her family seems to be accepting of her boyfriend; that things were going the way she wanted.
Then, she got a call from her handphone.
After some moments of exchanges, she asked A to wait for her at her house while she went over to find C. It was weird (somehow); to be double-dating, but she decided she had the rights, since it was her special day. They had arranged to meet at some resort, which was like a hotel of sorts, where C had booked for a romantic night out. C dished over to her a large bouquet of lavish roses in full bloom.
Her head was in the clouds by now; this was the ideal date she had always thought only existed in fairytales - Flowers, impeccably-groomed gentleman with great sense of humour, and lavish treats...Could this be true?
She pondered and implored deep within her: Does this dream mirror her desires? Was this a sign that she longs for infidelity? (which is essentially) Betrayal? (that leads to) Hurt to both parties? And... (most importantly) the desecration of what true love holds true to her?
Deep within, she knows full well and right from the beginning what she wants in actuality; that is really, the reality. No more dreams. She wants not such things from happening. At least, not the infidelity part; she knows full well.
Random:
It's scary how once somebody predicted she will derail; it's scary it's occurring in her dream.
The fact that she dreamt of the 2 persons... Does it mean she really misses them?
ooooooh my gawd... it's so fast; it's the last day of chinese new year! grrr. feel as tho i can't bear to let go, but well. life has to go on, and yes, i'll get zapped back to the frenzy in Uni. Haa. let's see. so i haven't been updating my blog for a few weeks... let's recall what's happened so far:
6 Feb 08 - skipped lectures so that i dun need to travel a total of 4 hrs to and fro school. hees. met up wif kareen in town to do some last minute shoppg (i tink she got her Ed Hardy belt on that day? can't rmb). bought Shu Uemera eye palette, hoping to achieve some smoky eyes effect but i hadn't rly achieved dat (YET!)...
7 Feb 08 - 1st day of CNY! So happy, cos i rly love the atmosphere of hse visiting, and the nice foods! whee hee hee. my favourite has got to be this Kueh Buluh (or sth), followed by pineapple tarts! muahhaha. and it's always nice to catch up with our relatives isn't it....!
8 Feb 08 - 2nd day of CNY; 1st clubbg experience in February! went to celebrate jiali's bday. got a cake for her and sang her bday song by the river; how romantic! hohoho. e last tym i went clubbg mus haf been lyk one mth ago? for a regular lyk me (at least weekly), being able to stop for a month is an achievement u noe! hahha. was proud of dat. i got high dat nyte; sheile too. she opened bottle and we drank like fishes. haha. den yea. sth happened n i was traumatised. n i told myself nv to drink so much again. IT WAS A MISTAKE.
9 Feb 08 - 3rd day. checked out this new club les chinois at clarky quay. super posh; pp u've got to check it out! lotsa room for dance, nt lyk some super crowded clubs where pp go there to get grinded. e dj spins rly nice tracks as well. hip hop numbers largely, accedes to song requests (i asked for buttons! hohohoh) and he transits very well i mus say. e remixes are pleasant to the ears. not bad for a new club at all!
kareen, sheile n i egged each other on to take the Top Gun ride at river hongbao 2008. u noe those rides that spin 360 deg? OMGGGGGGGG. was madness. i rly wanted to back out when i stood on the ground to watch the previous batch of pp getting tumbled abt in the "cage". hhaaha. yea n who noes b4 long, i was "caged" up too. some scissors paper stone game after, n i was sitting with kareen. FRONT seat, mind u. this mad gurl!!!! bt anw it dint turn out to be dat bad afterall la. altho i felt kinda nauseous aft i got down. cudn't rly eat anything n i kept burping. HAHA. i shan't pay n make myself sick again (akin to drinking vodka, where i'll puke aft drinking to a certain limit). hohoho. wad a fun nyte!
11 Feb onwards - back to sch. got caught up in the mad rushes for presentations n projects, assignments, etc. never ending! this sem is kinda terok. needa do lots and lots of readings. bad bad bad. weekdays mus work hard so dat at least weekend can play a little. norty jerica clubbed again. 3 times this week! SUPER TERRIBLE. not only on my pocket, bt also on the physical aspects. my complexion, lotsa breakouts and the lack of sleep resulting in dark circles. eeks mus stop night life! Wed was at phuture with ashley. here're some pictures =)
She's hot i tell you!
met some frens there, and made some new frens there. somehow, i'm kinda turned off by my frens' behaviour. it was as tho they metamorphosised into another person once they step into the club. ooooooooooooomg.
Thurs V day was spent wif Tinggy! Instructed by my poor bro (who was trapped in camp, doing outfield some more!) to bring ting out on his behalf. yes. my bro's gf = tinggy. nice and pleasant lady wif certain insights dat made me ponder.... =) i brot her to my sacred place (i only bring pp special to me there, no one else) in hope of creating some romantic ambience for her, but well, the company was wrong (my bro wasn't ard!). hahaha. had dinner tgt at aglio olio. Fish Alio was NICE! absolutely heavenly.... yummy yummy!
The special place! overlooking spore river, with lap pool surrounding us... maybe it dusen look very special here. bt if u're there; u'd feel lyk u're in heaven!
shroom shroom! fast forward and we're on to the weekends.
met up wif my jc mates, one of whom, shuwen, was gg to fly back to Aust soon for her term. although she was limping due to ligament injury or tear in her joint, she made her way down to join us... appreciated, mok mok (dat's wad we call her)!
Ashley, Jeri, Pam
All 4 of us!aft a lovely dinner of bonding n catching up, i went to meet sheile at central where she worked, and headed down to Phuture (yes, again!). suppose to haf more pp there (karen, jiali, kareen) bt the former 2 had SOMETHING on, n the latter had some issues wif her bf, so yea. anw it was a pretty fun nyte too! =) met some rly "old" fren. as in, hadn't caught them ard for eons n managed to talk abit dat nyte. anw, the highlight; the most memorable thing was, sheile was almost dead (fr fatigue) when we went Spize for our supper. lols. i took a video of her n boy, u shud haf seen it! super hilarious i tell u! HAHA.
Making monkey faces in our PLAY tee! Love CDG people!
Sat was at Phu again. we hadn't planned to go. this time was super last minute. Keith called me n asked if i wanted to join him n his fren (who jus fell out of love) to chill out. yup so i called along sheile, e ever funny lady with a distinctive lafter (u can hear her from 100m away) n (no rewards for guessing it ryte) we were back in phuture again. kelvin (phu crew) was suppose to come bring us in since it was already full hse n he had volunteered to help bring us in, DID NOT APPEAR. dis, despite me texting him (against my conscience and integrity, heh heh) "Handsome, we're ALL waiting for u eh." HAH. joking la. bt anw, we had to get in thru velvet underground. when they shone the UV rays on me, i realised my citibank chop fr last nyte was still so clear! grrrr. shud haf gone in without payg hor. haa. bt nono. dat's cheapo behaviour. lols.
saw adm at the entrance; willy brot him to say hi i think? i was shocked to see him there. n reacted awkwardly i tink.
anw in phuture, i saw dis couple. oooooooooooomg. was somebody who got me all disappted. grrrrr. i knew both of them; bt when i walked past the guy, i pretended i hadn't seen him; i acted nonchalant abt wad had happened. (hey dat's wad u get for being so flirtatious and horny and for being an infidel ya. yes it was "infidel" of you in my opinion, idiot). at dis pt, u may nt understd wad i'm talkg abt haha. bcos unless u're kareen, john, sheile, u prob wun noe wad i'm talkg abt, since u do not haf the full details of wad exactly occured. lols. anw, when he saw me, i bet he was kinda drunk (as usual), n he wanted to dance wimme; to get touchy wimme.
At first, i decided i shud b polite so i smiled n said hi. subsequently he got touchy so i pushed his hands away (he had placed them on my waist). i shoved them down. when he came back on, i decided: "ok, enuf of dat. stop treating me lyk any other clubbg gurls who are waitg to get laid upon." with that, i squirmed my way out of his reach (haha!) n continued dancing alone (i'm used to dancing on my own), wif him alone at the original spot, still tryna figure out y i was so weird (he'd mentioned i was weird previously. heh heh) or mayb, he was tryna figure out where i had disappeard to, given his slow reaction and intoxicated state of mind? HAHA. hilarious scene. bt i felt ME then. i felt good; felt dat i had the rights; dat he shuden b playing wif me anymore. go get other gurls if u wan cos i'm nt wad u tink i am!!!!! Grrrrrr.
anw, went back at slightly b4 4am. keith's fren drove us back. for once, i alighted b4 sheile!!!! =) hohoho. den jester called me and we chatted. he's weird. i dunno wad he's tkg. (bt i've my fortresses up tho. just in case.)
sunday was spent at mok mok's hse! went to bai nian at her hse, n we had our jc cls gathering there. her parents gave me a relatively generous angbao, given dat we were nt related... played mahjong! hee hee hee. small stakes, 10cents 20 cents. bt i won! $2.60. biggest winner was hwee la! who won like over 10 bucks? amazing little tweety bird. hahaha.
when weekdays come; it's back to school again. this few days, been chattg on e fone. i rly wud love to chat, bt i haf so many stuffs to do! can we dun chat on weekdays? lols. Yst (wed) met up wif Joyce b4 lecture. had bf at yakun. omg! their bread is really delicious! hadn't tasted yakun for quite some time.... hmmmm~ lovely charcoal grilled toasts wif home made (to perfection) kaya. yummy yummy!
at nyte, met up wif don for movie and guess wad! as i was crossing the road, i caught a familiar sight. the features of this particular person on the road had once been so familiar and close to me - it was wilson (my ex bf)! hahaha. this time, i can laugh it off. To my frens: thanks for being there when we broke up; I'm so glad that i'm now ok!!! and i'm really excited (for the new life i could haf; since i had previously been encapsulated in the mind frame that i still miss him)... =PPP Emancipation and Liberation came naturally, without me expecting myself to react in the way i managed to do. I'm amazed by myself! =) I hadn't expected myself to be able to smile at him so naturally. and the most amazing thing was, i hadn't felt any tinge of sadness anymore. He was a chapter in my life and will always be, and now i know that i'm ready to move on and write more episodes like C.S. Lewis. Heh.
[this brings a thought to my mind: sometimes, the more you try to forget someone or some things, the harder it is to let go of those memories; sometimes u need time, other times u need to stop thinking of those what-ifs... and when u do really find liberation, u shall be fascinated by how much u actually are worth; how powerful u really are...]
Anw, watched P.S. I Love You with don at cathay. I wonder why I didn't cry despite almost all of my frens saying that it was a very touching show; that they cried from start till the end.. Was it bcos i was tired? Or... the movie wasn't moving enough? Or.... Am I already void of emotions...?
I decided maybe it was the company. Hee hee. having been very much at ease with each other since sec school days (as though siblings), and being able to share our feelings with each other openly as though confidante, I didn't feel anything (romantically) towards don. and mayb because of that, the mood "wasn't there". you noe, the mood to feel emotional, sensual, etc.
Ok!!! I'm finally done summarising my weeks! i'm amazing! the stamina to sit glued to my seat for abt 2 hours trying to recall and to recount what had happened... it's MADNESS! lols. am lookg forward to the next few days to come cos it's mid-term break! finally can PROBABLY unwind a little. wheeeeeee~ adn finally get to play wif baby neer (kareen)!!! hohohoh.
And when term break really comes in May, i'll be busy working i gather! yay! to earn my fare and expenses for my Perth trip in July! =))) oh yea. i'll be flying ALONE! amazing isn't it. Heh. My first time on the plane, to and fro, ALONE!!! it's gonna be so super exciting!!!! yup going over to bunk wif my long-time-no-see friend Audrey (in case u dunno who, she's my track close fren mentioned in earlier post...hohoho)
Okie dokies, that's all folks! It'll probably be another few weeks b4 i update my blog again. Heh. till then, take care my dear frens! =))) Happy CNY for the last time this year!
